I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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