Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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