that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
