I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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