i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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