After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize