I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
