I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
