she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
