He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
