at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
