Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
time to smoke my breakfast
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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