Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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