Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
