sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
