I feel great
I just peed on a car
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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