You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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