I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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