i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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