just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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