Got a toothbrush?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
