you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize