its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
