We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
