girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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