Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
