no, he came in my armpit
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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