the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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