I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
