My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
