Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
