We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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