I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
