the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
