Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
high people should be assigned attendants
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
