There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
