after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
