well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding๐
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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