watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
