I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Michael Bay diarrhea
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
