I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize