Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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