I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
