oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
