is your mom at the bar?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
