True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
