HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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