Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
