He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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