I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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