If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
