I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
