I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
