i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize