I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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