Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
zippers are such a cool invention
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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