Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
