Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Watching her eat just hurts me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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