Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
