you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bring me that man meat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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