i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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