Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
