its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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