My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
