He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
