..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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