I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
