I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
