I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
