its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
