Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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