My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
