I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
