I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
