Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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