By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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