He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
