i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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