i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
