420 ftw
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
