Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize