i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
