I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
