So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
