Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
