well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
