Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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