a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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