he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
