Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
