Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
