I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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