next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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