Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
