I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize